Things that marriage has taught me

 Below is a list of ten things I have learned over my vast experience of almost 2 months of marriage.  I thought you may be able to benefit from these lessons, too.

1.  It probably isn't a good idea to quietly start shaving your new husband's back while he's turned away from you in the shower.  Even if it needs it.  Even if he let you shave it before the wedding.  Even if you love him, hairy back or not, and tell him so.  Even if he has a good sense of humor.  I'm pretty sure it annoys him.

2.  It probably isn't a good idea to do #1 again, thinking your new husband won't get annoyed since he managed to graciously laugh off the first time.

3.  On second thought, just keep doing #1.  It turns out he probably will get used to it and act like nothing is happening, and you will get what you want:  a not-quite-as-"masculine"-back.

(Josh, you are ridiculously masculine and I love it!  Promise. Don't be mad at me.)

4.  It is nice to have a new husband around when you return from your honeymoon to a total INFESTATION OF MICE.  You have to see far fewer dead mouse bodies when he's around.  Except for that one that died at the foot of your side of the bed, but you didn't notice until after throwing all your blankets and sheets on top of it and then re-making the bed to see that you'd been kicking it around.  But then it's nice to have a new husband around to comfort you when all you want to do is cry and dry heave.

5.  Two twin beds pushed together is actually kind of nice.  Sleepy time stays sleepy time better that way.

6.   You may start considering the fact that you could have control issues.  However, that point can be negated and you can be rest assured you are quite amicable if you relinquish the comb-in-the-drawer fight, and don't even think bad thoughts about him anymore when you see it in its now-permanent home on the bathroom counter.  You let him win!  That's not a control issue!

7.  Just let him leave his dirty dishes in the sink.  He probably won't load the dishwasher right anyway.  (This isn't a control issue either.  You are just really nice to not hassle him about his dishes.)

8.  One single-people-money plus one single-people-money does not equal one married-people-money.  Somehow one married-people-money is significantly smaller than the sum of two single-people-monies.  Don't question the math.  It is just miraculously true.

9.  Realizing that you no longer have any events for which you want to be thinner may be quite a dangerous realization.  You may end up stuffing your face with foods and ingredients you haven't indulged in so frequently in years.  Let loose for a couple weeks, and then you can hit the gym again and cut back on the junk.  Besides, if you carry those few extra pounds in the boobage, your new husband will probably love the new "diet" anyway.

10.  Insert mother-in-law lesson here.  For obvious reasons, this one should be left to your imaginations.  This is a public blog, you know.



Hope these lessons help you as much as they are helping me in my adjustment!

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POST-EDIT:

It has been brought to my attention that the fact that I shaved his back once before we were married may lead some to believe that we showered together before marriage.  This is not so, my friends.  I assure you we were entirely temple-worthy.  That back-shaving took place at the sink.